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Author Archives: runforthequiet

Here’s the deal.

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It has been a while since I’ve had the bandwidth to do this. So let’s not waste energy on the whys of stopping, and save the dramatic back stories for RPG sessions. I’m not here to explain, I’m here to make things.

I’m going to get back into using this space for whatever I want. Right now that’s gym trips, carving lino and knitting. But there could be a whole bunch of side quests, or nothing.

No niche, no rules, no schedule.

The deal is, if you’re into it, you’re welcome. If you’re not, you can leave. I’m not the boss of you.

No one wants to hear my voice.

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I said this out loud this week.

“No one wants to hear my voice.”

I didn’t realise at the time, but it pissed me off.

It pissed me off so much I wrote it down in one of my many notebooks. It pissed me off so much I took the note book to my therapy session. So I could be pissed off about it some more.

I realised, through the medium of shouting at a person with a PhD, that at some point in the past few years I have begun censoring myself. Keeping quiet, because I’m tired of explaining myself.

I used to speak on live radio, I had popular shows, people did want to hear my voice. I used to be passionate about making content, and it was always content I wanted to consume. It didn’t have to be full and finished, and who cared how many folks listened to it, or watched, or read it.

Who cared if no one consumed your content? You just screamed at the sky and then danced in the moonlight.

But at some point I stopped. I decided that no one wanted to hear my voice. And that included me.

All my photos are shit.

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Low res photo of a train window.

I bought a 35mm camera. It’s not a fancy one. You can’t change the fstop, or the ISO or other photography things I don’t know, or understand. You point it and click. It’s a Toy Camera, apparently.

It has a flash. I forget to use it. Forgot to use it. And on the roll of 36 photos, I used flash 7 times.

It took over a week to get the images. I don’t know, nor want to know, how to develop my own film. I sent it away. Queuing in the post office to ask a person to print a lable for me, and sending the film, with the shit photos hidden inside, away.

I had to wait. How did I have the patience to do this as a child? Taking analogue pictures in fast food shops, and theme parks, and waiting for all the exposures to be used, and then waiting to have enough money to have them deveoloped, and then waiting for them to be developed and printed and then waiting to see my friends and family to show them my shit photos. How did I have the patience?

Fuck. I missed it. Not the waiting, but yes the waiting. The waiting was almost the best part of the whole experience. Almost.

Getting the digital scans of the shots, the let down of seeing everything nearly black, the halarious resignation of thinking “oh, I fucked these up” when scrolling through, and the immediate wonder if I’m currently fucking up with the half used roll of film I currently have in the camera right now. Perfect.

All my photos are shit. And I love them.